Mark Borchelt, a boomer, and Christine Baird, a millennial, were both table hosts at the June 27 intergenerational dinner in Heber, Utah on June 27. In the second episode in this series, they bring reflections on how the individuals representing the six generations interfaced with each other. While both Mark and Christine shared that everyone enjoyed the opportunity to be in conversation with five to six other people from different generations, they also did not necessarily appreciate the generational designations or stereotypes. This was specifically true for members of the so-called Silent Generation, who did not experience themselves, or their peers, as silent. It was explained that the misnomer “silent” generation came from the fact that this generation experienced the McCarthy era: a time of communist baiting and persecution for political beliefs, when it was not safe to speak. Many people lost their jobs, their livelihoods and their reputations as part of this oppressive era.
Mark and Christine discuss with Lois how influential the logistics of the dinner were to its success. The beautiful out of doors setting, the mountains in the backdrop, the delicious food, the luxurious timing, the thoughtful reflective conversation prompts, and the very fact that everyone needed to travel some little distance to be in Heber, getting away from it all, contributed to comfort and success of the evening.
Mark said, “I love the fact that we had to drive to get to the Merrill's house, because it was like this coming together required various groups and ages to make an effort to arrive at this opportunity. It was like passing through a threshold to speak to one another. And it was great walking around and saying, Wow, they did a fantastic job of getting a nice cross section of ages. And there was this lovely representation of humanity, I guess is the best way I'd like to describe it. The facilitation of the conversation was incredibly easy for me, because people were not shy about speaking or sharing their experiences. The environment was outstanding, the food was delicious, and everything just congealed to allow people to feel comfortable in productive ways.”
Christine concurred, “I didn't understand why we were driving all the way to Heber to do this dinner, which I think for everyone was a long drive. But once I arrived, and was in an environment that was very separate from the middle of a city, it absolutely helped us focus on what we were there for. I think one of my favorite parts about being a facilitator was that no one at the table knew each other and it was an absolute clean slate. It was this beautiful opportunity that I've never had before, to sit at a table where I purposefully was different from everyone else, and no one knew each other. We were there for a common purpose that was away from our normal lives created for listening. It was just the coolest that everyone got to answer the same question because there was time for everyone. We all were overjoyed to hear everyone's response to every question. I'm qualified, just because I have lived the amount of years I've been alive. So cool.”
Mark adds, “Yeah, I noticed some of that too, because I was trying to make sure everyone felt comfortable. Everyone was impacted by the example set by the person who spoke before them. It was unspoken, but very powerful. We were inspired by each other to open up. I had the sense that people immediately bonded at each table. This was made possible, I think, by the opening mingling activity, and then I appreciated the movement activity at the conclusion that brought everyone back together as a larger group.”
Christine learned new things. “A member at our table of Generation X, shared that she was born in 1970 and thought it was the most idyllic time to have ever been born. She had the most wonderful childhood. Growing up in the 70s and the 80s was so cool. There was all this fun life and art and culture and socialization.” Christine had never heard that from someone her age, now in her 50s. She realized that she knew so little about growing up in the 70s and 80s. “I had mostly heard about the 70s and 80s being a kind of hot mess, and that everyone was freaking out and having an identity crisis. It made me so happy to hear what had happened from her perspective because it was before my time. I didn't get here till 1987.”
Mark adds, “Our silent generation, our octogenarian, was talking about how you get to a certain age and you feel that you're being silenced. People don't see you. She was talking about a recent health scare and people in the medical industry were looking at her and doing tests and she felt basically being cheated. Their attitude seemed to be, ‘You've already had a great life.’ But this person felt, ‘Wait, I have a lot more living that I would like to do.’ She felt that she was being placed on a shelf and didn’t know where she fit in or how to interact. And the millennial at our table said, ‘Oh my gosh, I'd never made that connection. I think my generation, especially in our 20s, that's exactly how we felt. I didn't have my voice yet. It’s interesting to see that spiral, that it comes back around.’”
And Christine continues, “That reminds me of one other of my favorite moments. When we were discussing whether individuals have friends who are 10, 20, 30 years older or younger than you, Karma, who is 91 years old said in the most beautiful, crystal clear, confident way, ‘If you were a friend, you were a friend.’ It had never occurred to her for a moment in her 91 years that there would be a qualification that you needed to be somewhere in the same age range to be a friend. She had such a beautiful perspective on life.”
Mark, Christine and Lois continue to share what they are realizing about the specific and special qualities unique to interacting with people from different generations. Lois reflects on how so much in our culture is designed for us to stay in our own generational cohorts, and she wonders what we can do to make intergenerational interactions more possible.
Christine offers some ideas and observes that arts experiences that are open to the community, whether they're ticketed or not, are some of the best ways to mix with multiple generations. She suggests investing in our local communities and supporting music concerts, plays, art exhibitions and farmers markets as great places to naturally interact with young and old and in between. The group recognized that they often felt more competitive with people their own age, and less of that kind of self judgment with people who are much older or younger.
The design of the dinner offered the opportunity to listen to someone else's experience from another generation that unlocked connections and self-processing, and opened up a space of possibility for talking across other identity differences such as gender, racial, faith and ideological differences.
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